Big_and_little_dog

Five Sentence Fiction – Delicate

Delicate

She was all piss and vinegar, the runt. Like a Chihuahua facing down a Great Dane, Maggie found the fights. She laughed, later, at how the big guys always backed down. Cowards.

She couldn’t have been more than 90 pounds when I carried her body off the field that day.

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Author’s Notes

This week’s Five Sentence Fiction entry – I think it works. It sets up something, doesn’t linger on it, and really takes a chance with that one word sentence, which is pretty damned bold in a five sentence fiction story. I really wanted to stick with the easy stuff – flowers, femininity, delicate things like spider webs or emotions.

Then I kicked myself in the ass and said, “That just won’t do, now will it? NO.” And then I had an idea that the girl is a firecracker that ends up believing in her own mystique, and succumbs to it. But I wanted to express that in the five sentences. Along with the one-word sentence extra challenge I gave myself.

Another challenge I give myself every time is to avoid the trap of run-on sentences. Yes, five sentences to convey a coherent thought is tough. Have you seen Five Second Films? That’s even tougher. But don’t fall prey to run-on sentences in your five sentence fiction. Instead, delete half your words. Then delete half again. Then get out the scalpel and pare down the last few.

4 thoughts on “Five Sentence Fiction – Delicate”

  1. I really liked it, really could see her, but the punctuation stilted it for me – the comma’s around ‘later’ didn’t work for me, definitely not the first one. And after ‘vinegar’ a dash would have worked better for me. But the one word sentence worked, it moved well, great place and flow!

    1. http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/607/02/

      “Use a pair of commas in the middle of a sentence to set off clauses, phrases, and words that are not essential to the meaning of the sentence.”

      I re-read what I wrote and I thought about it, did some Grammar Girl and other searches, and while I agree that the usage could be read in a stilted manner, I think my comma usage is correct.

      Perhaps this is one of those times where correct usage just sounds awkward.

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