And then there was me

And then there was me. I was involved in the conversation, but I wasn’t. I was secretly looking. I was secretly hoping. But I was let down. And then there was me.

And then there was me. I was in the moment and I was far away. I was listening to the overtones and harmonics. I was hoping beyond hope. And then there was me.

And then there was me. It was going to be fun and I’m going to get blasted out of my fucking mind. It is there and all I have to do is wait. All I have to do is wait. All I have to do is wait. And then there was me.

And then there was me. It was a laugh and I was derisive and condescending and I knew it wouldn’t benefit. And I knew that there you were. And I knew that the world was swirling. And then there was me.

and then there was me. Alone and spiraling but totally in control but not knowing where and when and how and the multitudes swirled around the core. But it wasn’t quite yet and I looked away. And then there was me.

and then there was me. The time I came back from that tittie bar and I was wasted and the cop picked me up and brought me back. And it was like you weren’t there. It was like I didn’t want you to be there. It was like you were dead to me. No, you WERE/ARE dead to me. And then there was me.

And then there was me. I came up I crept in I because what you wanted and it was a secret that we both kept and still and cherished and longed and loved but it wasn’t really me. Or was it? And then there was me.

And then there was me. Naked and oblivious. But then I was awake and screaming and sweating. And I was alone. And I was terrified of being alone. Nobody, just nobody. And then there was me.

And then there was me, silent and you were singing my elegy, aloft and aloof, happy but still not contemplating. Still not. Why not? Why not you? And then why not? And then there was me.