$1 wine and an appetite

Heard 2 songs from Chinese Democracy, Guns ‘n Roses new album. Compared to Appetite for Destruction, holy crap, not even close.

Axl has a new band, mostly – it’s not the same without Slash on guitars. The guitar on the single, Chinese Democracy, is terrible. It’s flashy, overdone, sloppy, and incoherent. If you listen, Slash isn’t the best guitarist in the world but he’s none of those things.

I first heard Appetite for Destruction in, oh, 1989 or 1990 on the bus, going to a field trip, and Paul Balmer was sitting with me (though were weren’t really what I’d call “friends”) and he was listening to it. I was enthralled with the lining art and lyrics, so he let me listen. I was HOOKED. It’s one of those defining moments, like the first time you saw the Smells Like Teen Spirit video… you just stare, mouth agape, with a burgeoning understanding that you’re witnessing history.

Which reminds me, since most of my readers are about the same age as me, that you’d probably enjoy “X Saves the World: how GenX got the shaft but can still keep everything from sucking.” I read it about a year ago when it was released and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

The reason I added Paul as a friend on Facebook, actually, was because of that moment. Though he probably didn’t know that until now. Doesn’t hurt, though, that his profile pic is his head smooshed between 4 boobs.

The thing about Appetite that made it so great was how RAW it was. I don’t really like the later GnR stuff because they got too big for their britches. November Rain? Bah! More like “let’s make sappy crap to sell more records.” Quick tip: if you’re writing music to maximize the simultaneous wetting of panties, you’re doing it wrong. You’re doing it right if the vaginas are dry. Or non-existent. Except that fat chick with the dyed black hair, torn jeans, and lip piercings in the back. She’s okay.

I mean, song lead-ins like:

“Your daddy works in porno,
now that mommy’s not around.
She used to love her heroin,
but now she’s underground.”

Wow, that’s pretty cool. I challenge you to find a song that begins, “your daddy works in porno” that’s NOT cool. (Your prize is a swift kick in the nards, BTW.)

And it’s not just one song, either. Let us feast on Mr. Brownstone a bit:

“Now I get up at 11,
I used to get up on time,
But that old man, he’s a real motherfucker
Gonna kick him on down the line”

It’s raw, it’s edgy, it’s REAL, man, it’s fucking REAL. That’s what I love about it. And it’s not some crooner’s 10 minute opus to love lost. Sure, sure, that’s a great topic for boy bands or any of the bland Corporate Pop bullshit “musicians” out there, but not for a raunchy rock band from L.A.

Track-for-track, GnR’s Appetite just rocks and it’s worth dusting it off and ripping the tracks to OGG (or MP3 if you’re a shit-for-brains) and blasting your head like so much buck shot to the gray matter.

Even on the wimpier tracks, like Paradise City, there’s goodness. For example, the opening lyrics to Paradise City has a really nice bass vocal harmonizing going on. I don’t know who’s doing it or if it’s an Axl overdub, but it’s nice that there’s not just a monotony to the music, that details were considered. It doesn’t hurt that the song has the whistle and the thrashy part at the end. That’s fun stuff.

Too bad Axl’s a retard because I’d have loved to have seen GnR in concert back in the day (I had tickets when I was in the Navy, in Orlando, but they cancelled after one of Axl’s crybaby moments so Metallica went on without them).

“Ya get nothin’ for nothin’
If that’s what ya do
Turn around, bitch, I got a use for you
Besides you ain’t got nothin’ better to do
And I’m bored”

“Turn around because I’m bored and want to fuck.” If that doesn’t make you laugh then you don’t have a sense of humor. And you probably don’t. Because you’re dumb and I’m awesome.